Get Personal

Inter-personal relations fascinate me, though pondering about them always leaves me feeling a bit empty and sad. What makes us exclusive sometimes, and inclusive at other times? Where do we draw the line between 'We' and 'I'? Where does stereotype stop, and prejudice start? For example, inter-racial relations. I remember a speaker in RCLF mentioned that babies are born colour blind. They would play with just about anyone and everyone, regardless of race or religion. It's the way we are nurtured from then on that makes us realize our differences and subsequently, makes us hate or relish them. Differences and Similarities are probably what define our existence more than anything. We are constantly trying to assimilate ourselves into a particular society/culture, while at the same time, striving to set ourselves apart from everyone else as well. Our interpersonal relations all seem to be played over where we draw the line between difference and similarity, being a part vs being apart. But perhaps, above all this is the idea of setting standards.

The ugly side of this is probably where discrimination starts. We set a certain standard as the ideal for ourselves and spend our lives chasing after it. In trying to achieve the ideal, we discriminate those below us on this ladder, and idolize those above us - working to set ourselves apart from those 'inferiors' and striving to be a part of the 'superiors'. Setting a goal/ideal definitely helps us be a better person, but making it a base of comparison ruins it completely. Maybe that's why it's easier to lead a life of happiness when you have no or few expectations and take it as it comes. Everything would seem a bit more charming and fulfilling. But that's easier said than done. I wish there were fewer expectations. It would certainly make things more irresistible. But that's impossible. Achievement comes from expectations and standards, and this drives excellence.

Perhaps, a bit of ego and discrimination is always good, as subconscious as it is. As long as it doesn't rise up so much as to deliberately harm another person/group. To me, this is where it becomes immoral. It doesn't matter if you harmed someone on your own accord or under someone else's command. Done is done, and personally, the latter is even more despicable than the former case. How can you bow down to an authority so much as to loose your own self righteousness and morality? Losing self in other's thoughts and ideas is where our downfall lies. Anyway, I don't think there is any such thing as complete submission and indifference. Maybe we just believe that we are bowing down to authority, but there surely is a little part of us that wants this too. I believe there are always other trigger factors involved in such situations, though one can claim otherwise.

For example, the Tuskegee Study. I always found it so shocking that these highly educated health care professionals were involved in a study that worked under the assumption that a particular race is subhuman. They went on to conduct unethical experiments on people of this particular race for 30 long years, only to claim later that these were done under orders and as such, they were innocent. One can believe and get involved in just about anything one wants to. It's technically completely justified as long as you own up to it. Realising your mistake and owning up is always better than claiming innocence. If you were involved in something for 30 years, there must have been something in it that'd have fascinated you, not just plain authority. Authority can't keep anyone for that long. So, why can't you just accept it and apologize?

Owning up to our mistakes is one of the biggest hurdles we cross over our lives. We can realize our mistakes, but accepting them and seeking repentance is where the difficulty lies. As the social creatures we are, we are always scared that our social standing will be affected by such a confession. It's hard to accept an apology, and harder still to apologize. But perhaps, that's where redemption lies. You have to feel the vulnerability of the position, before you can sense the change in yourself. You have to feel powerless to become stronger, and you would probably have to surrender to become more open. This stands for so many things - love, life, hate, apology. The contradictions in life. I hope we could do that. I hope I could do that.

I know I am guilty of half those things I mentioned up there. I'm probably committing those mistakes currently, albeit subconsciously - judging a person, rating them against others, and such. I have probably never apologized to some of you. A written apology probably doesn't cover for it... but I am sorry, all the same.

I still wish differences didn't really matter to us. That the society didn't hold material success and power at such a high pedestal. I wish we could put ourselves in other' shoes - think with their thoughts, hear through their words, see through their eyes, bloom in their smiles and laugh from their hearts. Marginalization would probably then diminish. But that takes another Mother Theresa, and we don't have enough of her to go around. Perhaps one day, we could move towards that, and attain true maturity.